Thursday, May 09, 2013

Photo Album: The Perfect Way to Get Stuck in the Past


Photo Albums. We all have them but how many of us actually look through them? And how often? Does it bring a good feeling or does it bring longing for a moment that has long past us? Should we even look through them? They say not to get caught up in your past, but then why do we have photo albums? These are the questions that went through my mind when I found a couple old photo albums late one night. It’s hard to describe the feeling I got when I was going through the albums that contain my memories.

I find myself thinking, how can I compete with that. Are my best days already past? Sometimes I see the possibilities missed, other times I long for that confident girl who always had fun. Always I wish that my present would be as worth remembering as those moments in my past. When I look into that past I realize just how much I'm wasting my present by not making the most of it. Too damaged to take the risks needed to make it all worthwhile.

My addiction has made me weary and cautious. I have become a shadow of myself. I felt like I had lost myself along the way and that I desperately need to find that girl again. Recovery has been great, way better than even the best day of my addiction but I’m human and I’m still learning to not be scared of taking chances. This isn’t always easy because part of my recovery was to avoid taking chances and I’m still learning the balance between the chances worth taking and the ones to avoid.

 I’m realizing that I won’t always know what situation I’m getting into when it comes to meeting new people and going new places but that’s a chance I need to take if I am to make friends and become more confident like I was in the photos. Having friends is important because what are memories without friends to share them. Recovery doesn’t come without its challenges, something recovering addicts know well.

Finally last weekend brought me a little bit of hope that I might do more with my life than just staying at home and going to school or work. Since its way easier to meet new people when you’re with a friend I'm hoping getting together with an old friend will bring more fun into my life. Don't get me wrong I do a lot of things that make me happy but they are things I do by myself. I feel like I need to get out and socialize. There’s something important and special about bonding with others that can’t be found alone at home.

Like last weekend when I spent time with my long time best friend who I hadn’t seen in a very long time. That reminded me how important friends are and how much I missed her. I just really hope there's a lot more of those good times ahead especially with summer almost here it’s the perfect time to make new memories. I just have to push myself out of my comfort zone and try not to let my past addiction make me wary of new situations or being out with people. I won’t always know what I’m in for, but I need to take chances if I’m to make the rest of my life the best of my life.

Charmed

PS: This was also published on the Challenging Addiction Blog
http://challengingaddiction.com/dealing-with-photo-albums-fan-submission/



6 comments:

  1. Love and miss you, See you at Easter!

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    1. Paulette, you dont know me but, i just wish to share a word with you... You have a great young lady here she is a strong friend in recovery she without know has enlighten me to be a better person man, father and grandfather....Much Love to you and Chelsea from Johnny, A Recovering Addict and His Struggles with demons....

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    2. thx, Im at my moms now for easter Ill let her know.

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    3. Chelsea, I just read Photo Albums, Socializing has always been difficult for me especially with those of the opposite sex, I just shared a little about this on a Guest blogger of yours the beginning..Though, I have been in recovery for only a little over five months I find myself in similar situation, Friends and how important it is to have them and share life with them we all need companionship. You and your blog, your story has been so helpful and I wish all the best for you. I wish to Thank You, You have made this journey very much easier for me, Love!!! Your Brother in Christ, Johnny, A Recovering Addict Concurring His demons(issues). Stay always Strong Facing Life with no Fear!!!

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    4. Thank you, helping people like you truly makes it all worth while. Im really glad Ive made it easier for you. We all need at some point not to feel alone and I keep hoping my post does that for people.
      Thanks again for your kind words.
      Take Care
      Charmed

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  2. johnfrivera@yahoo.com
    JohnnyRivera67@Facebook.com

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