Saturday, December 19, 2015

The Evil Step Mother

Was it her Addiction or was she just that Mean?





I know a lot of kids struggle with the idea of seeing their parents with someone other than each other and that's how it was for me. The lucky ones get to eventually develop a loving relationship with their step-parent. For others, it might be nothing more than just being happy that the step parent is making their parent happy or even simple tolerance for one another for the parents sake. This wasn't the case for me because they fought too often to truly be happy. She would cheat on him and make his addiction worst.

Is She Evil

Tolerance demands some kind of truce and leaving the other person alone which she obviously didn't do. In some of the worst cases, it becomes something a lot more hurtful and destructive which is what I consider my interaction with my step mother to have been. I feel like evil is too harsh of a word and I don't want to believe that anyone is evil, but it's difficult when people do something really hurtful. I want to believe that some people are just misguided and not completely aware of the terrible things they do. That they have their minds clouded by drugs and forget what is right. I tell myself that if it weren't for the drugs she might have been a completely different person.

Now despite telling myself that, I still have lingering doubts that some people just really don't care what so ever on the damaging effects they have on the people around them. This is especially sad when it involves a child who is suppose to be under their care. (Other examples would be the elderly or the disabled) I might have my doubts, but I won't ever really know why she did what she did maybe she's mentally ill.

Who Abandons a Child

In the beginning of their relationship I was around 11 or 12 and they made plans to drop us ( Me, 3 of her kids and her nephew) off at an inside wave pool for a few hours while they went at the bar. I believe it was around 3 or 4 in the afternoon so I didn't know at the time that they were planning on going to the bar. Although that never stopped them from going to the bar before. Anyway, we got dropped and had a great time until she arrived to pick us up (or so I thought) around 7.

What I didn't realize as I hurried to get dressed with the others was she was planning on leaving me behind the whole time but didn't tell me until they were all in the car, had locked the doors and said their no room. Supposedly she had a disagreement with my father and that's why she didn't let me in the car. Although she hadn't told my father she wasn't picking me up so he assumed she would, trying to get back at my father by leaving an 11-year-old girl in the middle of a big city. (This is what I mean EVIL) I was in a part of town I wasn't familiar with at all and it wasn't in the best neighborhood.

I didn't have any money to call someone so I waited and waited and waited (wet from swimming) for my dad to show up, thinking he'd realize she hadn't picked me up or she would call to tell him. After 8 I was getting pretty cold, so I went back in and asked the person at the desk if I could use the phone. He asked me what number so I gave him my home number (the only one I could think of) but there was no answer. At this point, I was getting very worried and went to the bathroom to cry, not having a clue what to do next. Knowing the pool was going to close soon, I went back and asked to call one last time and when there was no answer I left walking in the general direction we came from.

Angels Watching Over Me:

I was so terrified I was walking the sidewalk crying and crying, feeling so abandoned. I can't really describe the feeling, but I had never been that scared before. I looked up and saw a bridge thinking I hadn't seen that on my way in but not being very sure since I wasn't really looking. (since then I always looked where I was going in a car). I turned around and started heading back where I came from and by some crazy miracle my neighbor saw me crying looking around lost and stopped beside me.

First I have to say this, it's a ways away from where I live (at lease 30+ minutes), and a bad part of town. The simple fact that this nice old lady was there was really amazing and I remember her telling me that she rarely if ever came here. She was dropping her son from out of town off at a friend and decided to stop at the corner store. 

She asked me what happened so I told her, very reluctantly since I was always thought by my dad to never say anything to anyone if I didn't want people to take me away and put daddy in jail. She gave me some Kleenex, some candy and brought me home. She waited outside in her driveway (literately 3 feet from ours) while I checked if my dad was home, he wasn't but I told her I'd be fine now that I'm home. She later gave my dad a stern talking to and he thanked her from bringing me home.

The Betrayal

Once inside I was walking around in circles worried and now that I felt secure I began getting angry. Finally my dad's roommate came home and I hurried to ask him if he'd seen my dad, he was at the bar of course.  After that, I remember walking to the bar to give my dad shit and promise me he would never see her again. He told me how bad he felt and tried to pay me off with money (100$ I think it was and anything I wanted to eat from the pub/bar he was at). I asked him to promise again that he wouldn't see her again, she left me out like trash I told him and he promised.

When he finally started seeing her again I felt so betrayed like he didn't care about what she did to me. From that early moment in their relationship I didn't like her, didn't trust her and felt like my dad had truly picked her over me. Nothing was the same between us since then. That's when I finally started to see my dad in a different way. I slowly started doubting everything about him. Gradually I started thinking; I can't trust him, he might not protect me, he doesn't care as much, he's no longer my superman.

Yours truly, Charmed
Here's Evil Step Mother Part 2


PS. Check out my handmade Crystal Healing Trees

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Why Do Recovering Addicts Judge Other Addicts?

You would think that recovering addicts wouldn't judge other recovering addicts, but unfortunately some of them do. 


With all this hating on the 12 step programs lately I thought it was important to point out that we shouldn't be judging other people's recovery choice. I feel like this should be common sense, however it isn't. If someone is making their life better in any way maybe we should just be happy for them. Since the whole law suit about AA causing someone's death, the hate has only escalated. People posted videos explaining how the 12 steps is a cult and all sorts of other nasty comments about the program. This program does great things for many people. People should stop focusing on all the negatives and look at the positives things this program does.

12 step programs were never my thing, but I never had anything against it until a few 12 step followers ganged up on me and told me I wasn't really in recovery and some other bullshit that's not really important here. When I realized only someone completely ignorant could say something like that I knew I shouldn't hold a grudge against the program and every person who follows it because of a few misguided people. Most people in recovery are open minded and accepting, that includes people in the 12 step programs. Don't let the few bad ones taint your view of the rest.

Even when we don't agree with someone's recovery program it doesn't give us the right to judge them and tell them what we think is wrong with their recovery. Judging someone for their recovery choice is like judging them for their choice of therapy. Just because they felt they had a right to judge my recovery doesn't mean I have to judge theirs. We aren't immune from discriminating just because we've been discriminated against ourselves. It might make us less likely to, but we all do it at some point. Whether we do it consciously or not, we need to actively make an effort to recognize our prejudice and challenge it.

recovery

Some of us might think we have the right to decide that one recovery is better than another because of some false sense of entitlement. Overcoming adversity and achieving recovery doesn't give someone anymore say on how others should live their life, or their recovery. This isn't a contest on which recovery path is the best and who gets to decide. We need a variety of recovery options for the variety of different people struggling with addiction. Most of the time people discriminate because of their own insecurities and this isn't something reserved strictly for the recovery community either. Even people in the LGBT community stigmatize bisexuals.

I've been trying to keep my posts positive lately, but I really wanted to address this issue hoping we could become more aware of our own prejudice and hopefully show kindness where we might want to judge. I know it's not always easy, especially when we do it unconsciously. When someone's judging it doesn't really have anything to do with the person their judging but more to do with them. I know it sounds crazy but its really about their insecurities and how they were raised. If this happens to you don't feel bad, even I get caught up in the nonsense.


Join our Recovery Community and never miss a post again. 
Yours truly,
Chelsie Charmed

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Forgive Yourself for Being an Addict

Recovering Addict Forgiveness

Don't you think it's about time you forgive yourself for being an addict?

The sooner you forgive yourself the better off you'll be. I've met many recovering addicts, like me, who can't seem to forgive themselves for being an addict, even after years in recovery. We become so use to carrying this guilt around that sometimes we don't even know how much it's really affecting our lives. It affects things like our self-worth and what we believe we deserve. Consequently, we pass up many amazing opportunities because we don't think we deserved them. In the end, it keeps us from making the most out of life.

Monday, November 16, 2015

Find Out How Dangerous Beliefs Can Hinder Your Recovery

Can you imagine how difficult it would be to achieve something if you didn't believe you could. 

Quote

Sounds crazy right. How are you suppose to keep trying every day if you don't think it will get you anywhere. How would you stay motivated in the face of adversity if you don't believe it will work out. What's the point, you're just wasting your time. Right? Well to be honest, if you don't believe in your recovery you probably are wasting your time. 

Recovery doesn't just happen by accident.


The key to success in anything starts with the belief you can succeed, anything else is pure luck. I'm not saying if you have doubts you're doomed to fail. Everyone has doubts, it's whether you decide to give in to those doubts or face them and say I CAN DO THIS. When faced with doubts we can either talk ourselves out of going after our goals or we can give ourselves a pep talk. You might not think you can do it at first, but remind yourself of what you've already accomplished.

People just like you succeed every day and so can you. Believing you can achieve recovery will motivate you to keep trying after a relapse and when things get difficult. If you've been having troubles staying in recovery, instead of thinking I can't do this try changing that with I haven't been able to YET, but I will. You can use self-fulfilling prophecies to your advantage or to your demise. It's up to you.

If you choose to believe you can do something your thinking and behavior becomes aligned with that belief. If you believe you can do something you start acting like you can. People who choose to believe are more likely to persevere when their goals get challenging. You find a way to make it happen because you're confident it can happen.

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People are making recovery so much more difficult for themselves when they choose to believe they can't stay drug-free or have a happy life in recovery. They're setting themselves up for failure before they even start. After all our mistakes and bad decisions, it's not always easy to believe we can achieve a happy life in recovery. If we believe history has any indication on our future it's easy to think we'll fail, but it doesn't have to be like that.

Your journey to a happy life in recovery will be filled with what might at first glance appear as failures, but that's not really what they are. They're much-needed lessons. If you learned something from the experience it can't be a complete failure. Mistakes are often the best teachers and the lessons they teach you will not only help you achieve this goal but will help you achieve other goals throughout your life.

Choose to believe in yourself. Just because you haven't been able to do something so far doesn't mean you won't be able to eventually. Visualize your life the way you want it, like it's already happening right now. What would you be doing? What would it look like? What would it feel like? Know you'll have a happy life in recovery and you will. Not by magic, but because belief changes our perspective and actions in such a way that's conductive to achieving our goals.

Life is all about learning and most endeavors have a learning curve. Skills like happiness are cultivated over time and effort. When you believe in something you find a way to make it happen because you don't give up until you find a way. Believing you can achieve something leads to strategizing, seeking out solutions and hard work. People achieve incredible things every day because they believe they can and you can be one of them if you want to be.


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Yours truly, 

Chelsie Charmed


PS. Do you think the power of belief is important in recovery? 
      Let me know in the comments.



Sunday, November 08, 2015

Why People Should Date Recovering Addicts

quote: recovering addict are compassionate

Dating a recovering addict is a personal decision, but if you're thinking about dating one stick around. You'll probably want to after you learn the great qualities recovering addicts possess. If being a recovering addict makes you feel like you don't have as much to offer in a relationship read on, you need to hear this. I know the stigma often makes it difficult to date in recovery, but you're a great catch no matter what other people's preconceived notions are.

I Would Rather Date a Recovering Addict (even if they might relapse)

Let me explain.

The majority of recovering addicts have the qualities that are important to me, so it's easier to find someone I'll hit it off with when I'm dating a recovering addict. I've dated regular people of course, but it never developed into anything serious because there was always a part of me they couldn't understand. Only people who have been through addiction know the strength needed to overcome addiction. That's why recovering addicts are so compassionate. They understand their partner's struggles.

Sunday, November 01, 2015

How You Can Use Your Relapse to Stay Clean

Addict Quote

I want people to know that a relapse doesn't mean failure. Recovery time has been advertised as one of the most important thing in recovery, but it isn't. Whats important is never giving up and being happy. 

It's not uncommon to feel like giving up after losing all your recovery time, but what I've learned after all this time is each relapse was fundamental to my success in recovery. Its understandable to feel like you failed if you relapse, but if you learned anything at all, it wasnt a failure.

Sunday, October 25, 2015

5 Simple Tips to Help Recovering Addicts Deal With Social Anxiety

Anxiety in Recovering Addicts

Is Social Anxiety keeping you from the life you want?

Most people have dealt with social anxiety at some point in their lives. Public speaking is a great example. Have you ever had a presentation that made you so anxious that you could feel your heart beating out of your chest and feel your mouth get dryer by the second. I think we all have.

Being a college student I've had to do my fair share of presentations in the last couple years. The anxiety gets so bad that it gives me physical symptoms, and it takes me an enormous amount of effort not to talk a million miles an hour. I wish I could tell you the practice has taken away my anxiety, but its hasn't. It's gotten a bit easier, but mostly I've just gotten better at public speaking and dealing with my anxiety.